I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I want is dick and wine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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