so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
