my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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