After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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