dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
