In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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