We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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