i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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