"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
