good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
