Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
