I'm really into asian looking animals
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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