Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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