I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
