So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
