Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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