this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
