I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
