Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
