508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
