He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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