The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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