Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i barfeds in our rink
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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