New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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