carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
