do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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