I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
