How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
