Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
