My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
