The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
