she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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