Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
