I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
