Ambien. No doubt about it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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