id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
