It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
