i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
