haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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