He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you win again, gameday.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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