It's like God shit irony all over that family
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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