watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
