I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
