she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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