There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love accidental penises.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
is that a dick in a sweater?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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