Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
