i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We got so high we made milksteak
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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