Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
