Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
