if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
