I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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