Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
