he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
