Having a random hookup so left but love u
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
