we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
