When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
