Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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