i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
