I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
