Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
