I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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