I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
