This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
True strength comes from lack of pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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