just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
