Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Houston, we have a blender
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
