Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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