I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
