haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
