If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
