How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
