I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
