shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
