I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
