you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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