If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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