Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
