You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
