i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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