In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
