dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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