her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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