the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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