i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
